Sunday, October 26, 2008

Skeleton in the closet

Every year during the week of Halloween I am reminded of an event that has always haunted me to the core of my being. Throughout the rest of the year the memory is a mere nuisance - a recollection that can be stuffed into my subconscious mind. But today however, I'm feeling a little brave. After you read this - breathe a long sigh of relief that this never happened to you. If it did happen to you - I'll be shocked - but I will be happy to have found my kindred spirit. We can be BFF's.

For those of you who don't know this part of my past - enjoy. I expect to be mocked. It's okay - I'm bracing myself. I can take it. I'm willing to get this over with so that I can lock it back up into the past where it belongs.

I should mention too - that as far as embarrassing stories go - this is at the top of my list - but doesn't even scratch the surface of the mortifying event that
Jennifer H. endured. (Go read her story - your self esteem will be boosted and you will sing HALLELUJAH that this didn't happen to you).

At the end of this post you will see why I am especially spooked this year.

But first - take a minute to enjoy this gem from the 80's.




The event happened exactly 22 years ago, during the week of Halloween, while I was a sophomore in High School.

I was taking Driver's Ed at Hillcrest High. We were on the range at the school practicing stops, turns, and parallel parking. We all drove around in the school's driver's ed cars - hideous Dodge Darts (I actually don't remember what kind of cars they were - I just remember they looked like they withstood years of abuse from young students learning how to drive). However, that year the school purchased a brand spanking new Pontiac Grand Am. It was beautiful to behold and we all fought for a turn driving it.

It was my turn to drive it.

It is important to note that I had previously been driving the ugly Dodge Dart. I parked the car and ran over to the Grand Am for my 'turn' driving it.

Oh, how I wish I could turn back time.

I hopped into the Grand Am. I'm sure I was beyond myself with excitement to be able to drive it. I enjoyed a nice leisurely drive on the range for a few minutes. I knew I would have to give up the Grand Am in a few minutes to the next student and I just didn't want to let go.

The driver's ed instructor told me to pull into a parking space in front of a light pole, stop, and then back out of the parking place. BTW - I was alone in the car. The instructor stood on top of a tower and barked his orders at us.

I thought this task was a piece of cake. Easy cheesy.

Here is where it gets a little fuzzy in my mind. Chen and Bean - you probably remember the 'incident' better than anybody - please feel free to correct me if I have purposefully left out overlooked glaring facts. Be nice.

I pulled into the parking place. At the end of the parking place was a light pole. I realized I was going a little too fast and knew I would have to push on the brake pedal or I would end up hitting the light pole. I quickly pushed the brake - hard - and realized TO MY HORROR - that I confused the gas pedal and the brake. I pushed the gas pedal and drove the car INTO THE LIGHT POLE.

Okay. Breathe. I'm getting a little worked up reliving this horrible event.

I don't remember the details that followed. I just remember the eyes. EYES! Eyes belonging to my fellow students - staring at me as I sobbed. I sobbed uncontrollably as the realization of what I did became clear. I mangled the front end of the brand new Grand Am. Then, in a flash, my mommy was there. Thank goodness for loving and wonderful mommies.

I spent the rest of the year trying to downplay the incident. Luckily I had wonderful friends who laughed at me rather than shunning me for life. By the end of the year - it was mostly forgotten - until the yearbook came out and on the center page was a lovely color photo of the mangled wreck.

I looked for my yearbooks and unfortunately I think they are buried in the dungeon basement. No worries - I think I've supplied you with enough arsenal to launch a pretty healthy attack of scorn and mockery at me.

Why am I bringing this up? My charming, handsome, and adorable son is taking driver's ed right now. Shudder.

Connor - I forgive you if you slam into a light pole.

To everyone else - please share your most awful, embarrassing skeletons in your closet.

27 comments:

Mother Goose said...

oh no!!! well, the good thing is nobody else was in the car and you were ok, WOAH!! I bet that was the talk for days.

I have many embarrassing moments and my most recent. I blogged about titled Dragged through the dirt!
thanks for sharing your plight!!! LOL

Anonymous said...

When I was serving a church mission in colorado we (myself and my companion) were invited to a dinner appointment at a member's home. After dinner it is customary to have the missionaries leave the family with a prayer. I was asked to give the prayer.

As I began the prayer I realized I had forgotten the families last name. I remembered it was odd but I wasn't 100% sure I remembered it correctly. For some odd reason I felt obligated to say their last name in my prayer and so I went with my gut - "Ockeringhams".

I knew I was wrong immediately when the families three children (all under age 7) sprinted in to different directions of the house laughing harder than they ever thought they could. I remember opening my eyes and seeing kids flailing their arms and falling down laughing.

Turned out the name was Okrens or something. I added like eight syllabes.
I felt HORRIBLE as the dad rebuked the children for how they responded. How else could they respind? Apparently adding "hams" to the name really got the kids going.

I then crashed the families new pontiac in to a light post.

Bean

Redhoodoos said...

Bean - LOL! How did I not know about this choice experience. That's too funny. Sorry about the light post. How embarrassing. Can't imagine doing that.

DesertHen said...

Oh my, that was embarassing wasn't it....don't worry, it does happen. I ran the drivers ed car into a large metal trashcan with the instructor and two others in the car. ( the very first day of training! ) No major damage to the car, but I didn't live that little incident down for a long time....the instructor was just way to cute and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing....*wink wink. One of the others in the program at the time almost backed over a little old lady!!!
My daughter is currently doing drivers ed...book work and then comes the driving part.....She does okay on the gravel roads around here, but actual hwy and town driving scares the jeepers out of me......eeekkkkk!!!

binders said...

Ah, Jodester! Bless your heart for posting this. I have chuckled about this incident several times over the years. If it makes you feel any better, my friend's daughter just had the same thing happen!

Tammy said...

It had to happen. Unfortunately it happened to you. SOmeday I will sahre with you the terror of my own personal pizza delivery...and the place I worked...didn't deliver. Long story.

The picture of the car in the yearbook...classic!!!!

tammy said...

That is hilarious! And I think my brother was at Hillcrest the same time you were. I'm gonna have to ask him if he remembers that!

da Bergs said...

Omigosh, okay, I would be totally embarrassed!!!! LOL!!!!

"Q" Tips, "K"razy fun and daily "L"ife said...

That is so funny. I am not sure that I had heard that one yet. Not many people know that I drowned my best friend (at the time) car in a ditch. It is a long story but needless to say it was more like high centered with the car going in head first. So picture one of us in the ditch under the car trying to hold it up, while the other runs for a phone and calls for help. We were not so smart then. All ended mostly well. Car was so flooded it would not start and the floors were soggy and stinky for months. It was terrible. However I think that we managed to hide it from her parents as they would have shunned us both.

Michelle said...

We went to high school together-- I'm feeling really silly that I just figured that out.

I got teased a lot in driver's ed. I'd never driven before and on my first time out yelled, "Which one's the brake!?" Never lived that one down.

Jenn said...

So funny. In a horrible kind of way!!!

And no, I don't care if you link to it. I put it out there for the world to read once, why not twice?

have a non embarrassing day!

McEwens said...

OH NO!!! A light pole... well, at least no one was hurt!

goodbyes said...

Oh man Red. My daughter is also taking driver's ed right now. One more week to go but she seems to be lucky so far....
My 2 most embarrassing moments involve cars as well. One was that I bumped into an old lady sitting in her parked car at the BigK. She was mostly blind and her husband came out walking like Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett show. It was bad!
Thanks for sharing...we all need to know we're all human, ha ha.

Doran & Jody said...

Ah ha ha ha. I mean. Oh man.

The Despain Gang said...

LOL; that's a pretty embarrassing one. Glad you were okay though. man it could have been just awful--emergency room, etc.

Anyway, an old embarrassing moment is when I was in grade school and a boy was chasing me. Just before the recess bell I was grabbed a tether pole and spun around, well the boy grabbed the front of my shirt at the same time and the shirt ripped right along the "princess seam". It was so embarrassing and I was old enough to definitely be embarrassed by this rip. I was sent to the nurses station and for some reason didn't get to go home or get a new shirt, instead, they safty pinned my shirt almost the entire length. Well as you can imagine it was gappy and embarrassing to have a safty-pinned shirt. I was found holding my shirt together in the corner of the school yard the rest of that days' recesses.

Jeni said...

I happened on to your site from Doran & Jody's and read your story. This is a classic story, I tell ya! I can't top it, but had to thank you for the laugh any-who! You have a darling family and good luck to Connor! I hope it doesn't run in the family...hehe

Lisa Loo said...

you are killing me! there are more embarrassing moments in my life --than days--it is my curse--

I should preface this story by saying that my slips usually have to turn to dust before I go out and buy a new one.

There I was--so carefree--walking down the hall at church, with my family. Saying hi to those I knew, smiling here--waving there--when all of a sudden--I felt a whole lot lighter--followed by something warm around my ankles....

You would have thought my husband and I had practiced this next move for hours.

I just did a little light footwork and he, without breaking his stride--bent down and swooped it up and shoved it in his suit pocket. I think that only my family and Bro. Erhart were the only ones to ever know. It was awhile before he could look me in the eye again....

Anonymous said...

Babe! You are the most careful driver I know. I'm certain it was staged for the insurance money or something.

Your Hubby

Anonymous said...

Babe! You are the most careful driver I know. I'm certain it was staged for the insurance money or something.

Your Hubby

Anonymous said...

Hey Aunt Jody! I absoloutly LOVE reading your blog!! you make me laugh so hard! I feel for you having connor in Drivers ed. I have no idea what I am going to do when my kids start driving???!! SCARRRRRRYYY!!!!!
-Shari

Michelle said...

Wow. Jodi. You never run out of really retarded stories to tell do you? :) Wasn't it you that crashed, er, drove your parent's new car into the house while in the garage? Haha you should tell that story. Oops, did I out you? Oh well, more material to blog with. Hehe

Redhoodoos said...

You're just jealous that I have retarded stories!! Wait....

And - uh, you must be thinking of another friend that drove into their parent's garage because I would never do anything so irresponsible. I only burned up my parents brand new car. Silly you.

Jan said...

Oh my goodness Jodi. That was a doozer. I am just glad it turned out no one was hurt.

I have had my share of embarrassing. Doing the splits in sweaty socks sounds like a thunderous fart going down. I ran from the scene quickly. And the ole dress in panty hose while hosting a dinner party was a certain bar none time. Throwing up on a date and farting at the same time about did me in. He never called back hmm.....

Anonymous said...

Jodi,
I was in that same class and watch you drive the brand new car into the pole. We felt badly for you but we did laugh. Glad toi see you laughing now. Duane H from up the street.

Carrie said...

My most recent embarrassing moment (because they tend to happen fairly frequently) might just be the post my friend just blogged about regarding a little get together we had the other day. Its a good thing she's a good friend!

Redhoodoos said...

Duane - I forgot you were in the class. I'm so glad I could provide entertainment for you. LOL! You'll be happy to know that I haven't ran into any pole since then. Not a single one. =)

kitchenditcher said...

How devastating! And how funny! I too posted about a skeleton in my closet today. Hop on over and share your worst mommy moment!