Monday, May 17, 2010

Creepy Crawlies

The females in my family are deathly afraid of spiders.

Naturally, we were repulsed and horrified yesterday as we listened to someone relate his story of setting up a campsite at Zion National Park last summer and being swarmed by hundreds(!) of the creeping, disgusting things. Not a couple, a few, or even dozens - he said 'hundreds'.

*(Note to family: If you ever hear me say anything along the lines of "Hey, we should go camping at Zion National Park," please realize that dementia has set in, because I will never, NEVER, utter those words again while I'm in my right mind).

Last night, we further discussed the awfulness of spiders and listed their horrific qualities. (I'm rating this "R" and discretion is advised!)
  • They're silent predators
  • They stalk and prowl at night
  • They bite
  • The way they move is just....wrong
  • They crunch when squished - again, just wrong
  • They have fangs
  • They make webs. Ew. Charlotte may have been cute and charming - but that was a cartoon. Normal spiders don't help pigs.
  • There are billions of them on this planet. Billions. And they keep reproducing.
I could write volumes about their disgusting qualities - but I need to think of something happy and cute or else I won't sleep tonight.

So - talking about spiders brought up a decade-long debate that we've had in our house. While I realize there are spiders everywhere - I don't think tarantulas are extremely abundant (am I in denial?).

The following is an actual conversation:

Todd: Tarantulas are everywhere - even in our backyard.
Me: No way. They like hot climates like Arizona and Mexico. There might be some in our mountains or in Southern Utah - but not in our neighborhood.
Darren: It's true - they are all over the place. We probably have hundreds of them in the field behind our house.

This debate has been going on for years! YEARS! Please help us put it to rest and feel free to be especially vocal if you agree with me. ;)