Saturday, January 5, 2008

Self Disclosure

I broach this subject with trepidation as you may not know my secret.

First, some history.

It started back in 2001 while running. I loved to run back then. LOVED, I say. But it was at this unfortunate time in my life that I hurt my knee. Shortly thereafter, it was the kidney stones. Devils! I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. Wait. Hmmm. No…not even my worst enemy. But, I also started to not feel very well at this time in my life (we suspect because of my parathyroid – see previous blog). For comfort and to deaden the frustration, I would frequent the ever-delicious Farr’s Ice Cream in downtown Ogden. YUMMY! Oh the memories of their decadent, creamy, mouthwatering and oh so comforting peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. Yeah baby!! Just writing about it now sends a thrill down my parched throat. I enjoyed blissful ignorance during those days. I say ignorance because apparently ice cream has calories. Who knew?!

Let’s put this in simple mathematical terms:

Hurt knee + kidney stones = Lack of physical activity
Lack of physical activity + frustration = Gloom

So,
Frustration + gloom = Farr’s Ice Cream (obviously)

Therefore,
Lack of physical activity + gloom + Farr's Ice Cream = Stoutness

Just trust me.

I can’t quite bring myself to say the 3-letter F-word. But we all know what I’m referring to.

Hence, the secret I’ve been harboring: I’ve become plump. Pudgy. Stout. Curved. Even rotund. My extra girth has made me, shall I say, less spry than I used to be. A little more sedentary. I’ve also found that I love fast food restaurants and they really love me.

As you can clearly see, it wasn’t my fault that I put on weight. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it)! I've become very very good at the blame game. I've tried very hard to conceal my condition - black clothing, makeup shading, only creeping around in public during the dark of night. However, I can't keep up the facade. Something MUST be done to correct the situation.

Why? Because my extra girth has created other recent problems like high blood pressure and cholesterol. Sigh. Also - I can’t enjoy things that I really love like hiking my beloved red country down in Southern Utah. Actually – I can still hike – but with the speed, grace, and agility of a buck-toothed hippo.

So, I need some help. Motivation. Input.

I'm pretty sure I only have about 1.2 readers, slightly up from last month, but I really need a little more support than that (pass this post along to your friends and compadres). I'm interested in learning what you do (or have done) to lose weight. How does one stay motivated and away from ice cream? What programs out there will help me achieve my ambitious goal of becoming healthy? Any ideas for dealing with or getting around knee pain?

I've accumulated a vast array of books on the subject but I'm slightly daunted at the task of choosing the best plan. I know I have the internet right at my disposal - which is full of useful weight-loss information. And believe me - I've researched. But I'm looking for something a little more personal. It will mean more to me to hear directly from someone who has lost poundage. You will be my hero!!

Secretly, I'm very interested in running in a marthon. There - I said it! More than the fact that I want to look better is the prospect of being able to enjoy adventurous activities again. Running, hiking, kayaking etc.

Please comment, email, or approach me in person (unless you're creepy and plan to corner me in some secluded alley while I'm on one of my 'dark of night' outings).

Thank you! Here's to a healthier and less rotund New Year!

9 comments:

Redhoodoos said...

Well, I don't have any tips for you, but you miiigghht want to consult with baby bear! She is starting a fitness plan she concocted, and I must say, the pudge is coming off! :)

Anonymous said...

"Eat, Drink and be Merry". I think they left a few words out, it should say, "Eat, Drink and be like a Merry-go-round". I'm not one to talk but I will support you but I'm willing to get off this Merry-go-round and start getting in better shape. Love You

Bean said...

I had a really good week followed by two bad days. It started Saturday morning when I thought, "i've been really good this week, maybe i'll celebrate by getting one taco at Cafe Rio."

That was the last thing I remember. Now lying in a basement filled with Wendys and Mcdonalds bags. Most alarming, I have no idea whose basement this is.

1. You're not nearly in as bad as shape as you think you are. I promise the person you joked about in your post doesn't exist. You have dedicated yourself to so many important things over the last few years.

B. I have no answers (obviously) but I HAVE to break out of this nightmare. I need patience. Last week I was doing two-a-days at the gym while eating nothing but slimfast and healthy choice bars. This weekends' crash was inevitable.

Perhaps it really is insanity to keep doing the same things while expecting a different result.

so 1.2 readers - I will be running the Bryce Canyon half-marathon on July 19th. I would really like some company. I need someone to complain to.

I have a lot of weight to lose but i'm going to do it. Disciple. Commitment. Patience.

After that i'll decide if I have what it takes to ever try a marathon. I HATE running, but I will do this.

Are you up for the challenge? I hear they give you a tee-shirt.

Ryooskee! (Russian) said...

Hey, we are in shape! round is a shape!

Redhoodoos said...

Bean you are hilarious. Call me then next time you overdose on Wendy's and McDonalds. I'll join you. DOH! That's the OLD me talking. And yes - I will do the Bryce Canyon 1/2 marathon...though I may be walking or crawling even!

Redhoodoos said...

I've always hated round shapes.

Elora said...

Just go buy a little blond slave, I've got one for sale right now for cheap, free even! He'l get you in shape but you may just kill him afterwards, it'll be your motivation!

MCF said...

I wish I had the perfect answer for you.. Unfortunately, this wonderful thing called Motherhood has zapped any excess energy I once had (not that there was a whole lot to spare in the first place!). I'm searching for answers myself. If we can swing it, I'd love to do the crawl/roll down to the bottom of Bryce with you. Hmm.. May need to find a babysitter. I'll consult Dakota and get back to you. Just kidding! I'll arrange for a more suitable one. I think Eden's free. ;)

Redhoodoos said...

Will you ask Eden if she will watch creature too? I think it would be a riot if you would do this roll/crawl with me! My brother Bean will leave me in the dust - but if he does, I'll just huck some rocks at him or something. You're a waay better aim - so I need your help. How fun!